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Terrifying dissociative experience" style="border:0px solid black;padding:5px;">
Terrifying dissociative experience
by Sean Winter
I smoked one very large cone of dried salvia and thank goodness I was sitting down on a couch with my boyfriend beside me.
The first memories I have after the initial smoking was that I was trying to stand up but could not. I could hear voices telling me thats "its ok Sean" and "your alright". The more I tried to stand, the more I continued to be unable too. During this time that I was trying to stand up, I had the sense that if I did not stand up, I would "fall" back into the ground or that I was experiencing a struggle for life or death. The voices that were calming me were that of spirits or entities in a different realm and I was struggling or caught between that realm and another. Whilst struggling to stand up or re-enter life or this other realm I wanted to get to, I felt and saw that complete daylight and normality was to my right and a "sheet" that ran directly through my body and felt like a sheet of plastic or something I had to break through was separating me from the voices and normality to my right and darkness, the ground, brown soil or muck to my left that represented death to me. The day light setting I could see was completely real looking, not distorted and "trippy looking" at all. I could see it as real as day itself. I could hear voices but couldn't actually see anyone. I had this experience tonight whilst being outside on my friend balcony sitting on a couch. As I said the day light outdoor setting I was "seeing" in mind seemed completely real to me despite it being night time and was not "trippy" blurred colours looking like a 'traditional' hallucination. I could not stand up because my boyfriend was holding me down. thank goodness he was because I believe I experienced a complete separation from reality and my mind was too overloaded it could not cope at all. I have smoked heaps of pot, taken heaps of LSD before, pills of all sorts, but this was another thing altogether. This experience lasted about ten minutes but to me I can only remember what I have described that seemed to me to be about two minutes of shear Hell just before coming out of it. As I came out it people who were with me started to take shape firstly as cartooning looking people. I then could hear my boyfriend and realised he was holding me, but I was still frightened and had the sense that because I was unable to stand up or make out where I was I must have died. I then started to hear the music that was playing at the time. As I started to hear the music, and see people more clearly and hear them properly now, the day time setting I was struggling to reach in my mind transitioned into the night time reality of where I actually was. Still confused about my whereabouts and what was happening and frightened as all hell I continued to have an overwhelming sense of dread of impending death. The best way to describe what i experienced was a feeling of literally being held back from life and wellbeing that I could clearly see ahead of me. I was being held back by a visible division that was acting like a sheet like barrier running right through me. I was trying to stand up and break through this sheet. Darkness was behind me where I was trying to leave. It was blurred only along this sheet like barrier. And then to my right, or the other side of the barrier was a completely real looking looking day time backyard setting I was trying to stand up "into". The place I could see was some kind of amalgam of distant memories or places that I didn't actually clearly recognise. I also had what I would call a feeling of flashbacks through my life or a recounting of my life. All in a slit second but with a real sense of recalling distant past memories. My boyfriend who was the reason I could not actually stand up was sitting to my left holding my back from standing up. All the witnesses to my experience say that I simply looked frightened, confused, dazed and just kept trying to stand up and get off the couch. I do think this drug has powerful mind altering capability and should definitely be taken with extreme caution and in the right environment. The experience was too much for my mind to cope with and went to a frightening place I was glad to come back from and leave behind. I don't know what actually happened to me, but it was as real to me as going to the brink of death a just surviving. NOT NICE AT ALL! Be Warned! |