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Becoming a "probably"" style="border:0px solid black;padding:5px;">
Becoming a "probably"by Ryan Scio
To start off, I ordered 10x and 20x salvia extract, used a pipe and a butane lighter. I had my friend with me as a sitter but I told him not to interfere or talk unless I asked him a question. I could not do it in my house so I parked next to a field nearby. I have never done any type of "visionary" drug before so I was really excited. I did a lot of research beforehand and knew kind of what to expect (although as I found out it is something you cannot understand without doing). I was not scared at all of what I might learn and I was hoping to find some better understanding of life in general.
First I tried the 10x and found that I was laughing hysterically. something so simple as waving my hand in front of my face was extremely funny. Then I smoked another bowl. Things were again very funny but as I pulled my hands down my head towards my face, I felt like I was melting. The feeling was so great I kept on doing it over and over, and I was so happy that I started to cry. It felt so good to just let go of all my worries and emotions and let my frustrations leave me in the form of tears. Again I smoked and as I looked out the side window at the trees everything became a cartoon and I watched as the trees repeatedly grew leaves over and over. It seemed to be so short lived so I tried a small amount of the 20x. I got the same kind of cartoon like feeling but it seemed so short. So I smoked it again and as I held the smoke in, my friend loaded another for me. Then I smoked the next bowl and held it in as long as I could. Now things got very very crazy. As I breathed out the smoke I remember trying to tell my friend that things were getting really crazy but apparently I just mumbled a bunch of nothing. Then my consciousness absolutely broke free of my body and I went through a bunch of different repeating actions, each one I felt as though I was trapped in forever. I think some of the things were actually twisted perspectives of was I was actually seeing. I wouldn't know what I did except that my "sitter" watched it all. I opened up the door of my pickup and got out. I leaned against the door and then fell flat on my face. I got back into the pickup only to exit it again and did this several times. then I dumped out a coffee cup onto the floor of my pickup. (again, I don't remember any of this), at that time, I was stuck in an alternate dimension, with no body. I had become an inanimate object, like I was just a single molecule that had only one purpose and it kept repeating over and over. I couldn't remember anything about myself and in fact thought that I had always been in that state of mind and would never be anything else. Apparently I asked my friend if I broke the cup and he replied, "probably". Now this word echoed in my mind as a series of dark shapes were merging in front of me and I decided that what I really was was a "probably". and that I would keep being this "probably" forever. Now I started to come back to my body but I had no memories and I couldn't remember ever being in this body. I felt afraid and trapped. I started doing things just to see if I could control my own body, but as soon as I did something it felt like I needed to do something else to make sure I could stop doing the previous action. I left my pickup again and started to wander but I didn't know if I could stop walking, so I lay down. Now I began crawling on the ground next to my pickup and my friend picked me up and walked me back to my seat. Focusing on things made me feel like I was leaving my body again so I walked around and shook my head. I was so thankful to be "me" again and I loved to have my memories back again. I slowly became myself again and kept on repeating that I had been a "probably", and now looking back on the merging shapes they seem to perhaps have been my steering wheel falling in on itself repeatedly. I was terrified afterwards but after my head cleared and my friend left, I tried taking small hits to get back to that happy cartoon place again but it never happened again and as soon as I started to leave my body again I would get scared and remember how happy I was to be me. I am very happy I tried salvia. maybe not what someone would call a good experience, but I now know what its like to not have a body and also I am happier than ever to be the person I am. I will be trying salvia again, but I think I'll try to stay on the border of leaving my body. Anybody who hasn't tried salvia cannot ever comprehend how I felt. And although being a "probably" does not make sense in this world, it really really does when you don't have a body. Just writing about my experience makes me sweat and puzzles me even more. next time I will try to write things down right afterwards and perhaps get a better description of what I feel.
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